How does Oppo handle road rage?

"TysMagic" (twjeffery)
08/09/2018 at 08:59 • Filed to: road rage, anger, Oppohelp

You’re driving along and something sets you off, you feel the anger! Maybe you tailgate the offending driver, honk excessively, yell obscene things from the safety of your box on wheels - whatever you do as you’re road raging, my question is what do you do to calm yourself down?

Nashville is still booming quite rapidly and our traffic is getting worse and worse daily. Especially with school getting back in session! My wife has become pretty sensitive to her commute - to the point she gets home sounding hoarse from yelling so much. Typically she takes a little time to decompress from the drive as well - I want to drive home (pun intended) it is the commute and not her work/our house/living situation/other life events causing the rage .
She hated her beetle and we were hoping a newer more comfortable car would make it better. We purchased a new CX5 this week, but it hasn’t helped her much (that said, I love the CX5! Great little SUV. The beetle had also left her stranded a few times and never earned her trust back ).

She’s tried a rubbing stone, podcasts, stress ball , breathing exercises , blasting music, talking on the phone - none of it seems to help diffuse her road rage.

We discussed moving to a middle ground between my work and her’ s. We even had our house on the market for a while, but we really need to invest in some upgrades to sell at the price we want. So we’ve decided to stay and make those changes. Until we are done though, we need a solution.

So what do you do, oppo, to diffuse your road rage?

DISCUSSION (61)

nj959 > TysMagic
08/09/2018 at 09:29

Chain smoke and turn up the radio.

TysMagic > nj959
08/09/2018 at 09:31

chain smoke while listening to the chain smokers?

fintail > TysMagic
08/09/2018 at 09:33

Usually, just a steady stream of profanity keeps me in balance .

I also jog for about 45 minutes immediately after my evening commute. Lets off any pressure from both work and the drive.

TysMagic > fintail
08/09/2018 at 09:35

I could see the jog/work out thing working pretty well. We’ve been trying to start a routine, but stumbling a bit.

LOREM IPSUM > TysMagic
08/09/2018 at 09:36

The P.I.T. maneuver, if they don’t get their shit together.

Kidding, obviously.

So Shiney. So Chrome! So Frunky > TysMagic
08/09/2018 at 09:39

I was a lot more able to just let it go once I had the realization that it’s not personal. I assume all other drivers to be inconsiderate scum that treat everyone else like crap. Once you accept this they become mere road hazards to deal with like potholes or snow.

On a more practical no te could she adjust when she commutes a little (Go in 30 minutes early, leave 30 minutes early)? It makes a big differance in traffic on my commute but I realize that won’t work for eveyone.

Tripper > TysMagic
08/09/2018 at 09:40

I’ve dealt with it in stages. When I was very young, I’d get mad throw birds up etc... In my early/mid 20's I’d just laugh at other people who were obviously angry. Sometimes I would provoke them by calmly calling them ugly or a clown. M y personal favorite was giving them the cry baby hands/eyes .

Kinja'd!!!

Use with caution, this enrages people and it is pretty hilarious.

Now I’m in my early 30's and a new father. I don’t even react when people do dumb shit, or cut me, off or go slow in the left lane , or yell and scream because they think I did something wrong... I just keep on jamming/listening to a podcast, or I joke with my wife about how nuts the person raging is.

ttyymmnn > Tripper
08/09/2018 at 09:44

So much this. Back when I was in high school, I drove a small delivery van. I flipped a guy off and he stopped in front of me in the middle of the street, came back to my van, opened the door and tried to pull me out. Fortunately I had my seatbelt on. I never flipped off anybody ever again, and that was about 30 years ago. These days, there’s just as much chance you’ll get shot.

Echo51 > TysMagic
08/09/2018 at 09:45

I stopped caring. People gonna asshole no matter what. No lights on? meh. pull out infront of you? incovenient but meh. drive with brights on? Well the lights are brighter than the persons braincells, so you won’t get anything out of flashing them back.

Lean back and enjoy the tunes maaaaan.

ttyymmnn > TysMagic
08/09/2018 at 09:45

It’s sounds simplistic, but how you react to a situation is a choice. Choose to look the other way. Choose to ignore it. This gets a lot easier when you have kids.

LOREM IPSUM > TysMagic
08/09/2018 at 09:47

9 Last week I had a probably 50 year old woman in a CRV cut us off, brake check us, and when I honked she proceeded to give me the finger. Pulled along side her and she just stared straight ahead, and held her arm out flipping me off.

Can’t even lie, I wanted to follow and murder her. If my wife hadn’t needed to be at work shortly thereafter, I might have considered it. #Su rreywhat

TysMagic > ttyymmnn
08/09/2018 at 09:47

I agree with you, very much so in fact. I do this for myself, but she’s struggling to feel the benefit. The concept also comes off as I’m saying who cares how you feel, no matter how I approach it. Perhaps a third party though...wheels are turning

ttyymmnn > TysMagic
08/09/2018 at 09:49

Realizing that you are not a slave to your reactions is an incredibly powerful thing.

merged-5876237249235911857-hrw8uc > So Shiney. So Chrome! So Frunky
08/09/2018 at 09:51

Glad I’m not the only one who feels this way.

TysMagic > So Shiney. So Chrome! So Frunky
08/09/2018 at 09:52

She’s nailed the timing down pretty well. She leaves 6:22 gets breakfast and relaxes in the car before work - very habitual. The leaving work part is pretty flexible. Time ranges between 4:32-4:48, much later and your just SOL.

I think it’s coming down to accepting that realization that people on the roads today are plain awful.

TysMagic > Tripper
08/09/2018 at 09:53

Is it the setting the example for the kid in the car or something internal the triggered as you entered the dad life?

TysMagic > LOREM IPSUM
08/09/2018 at 09:55

Say you didn’t need to be at your wife’s work, what would help you release that rage without murdered douche face mcmom car

merged-5876237249235911857-hrw8uc > TysMagic
08/09/2018 at 09:57

I’ll tell you one thing that has helped me, giving more distance on the road. Especially in stop and go, now I just pick a lane, and try to be a traffic spring, meaning I’ll keep up but not ride on the bumper of the car in front, my goal is to hit the brakes as little as possible and to never have to come to a complete stop.

Sure people will cut in front and all that, but it helps me to maintain a bit of peace during a stressful commute.

Now when traffic is moving, that’s a whole other story. Then I like to get a bit aggressive and let the big dog eat. It’s fun having a powerful ubersedan at my disposal to zip through traffic.

The lane thing has been the biggest improvement though, it’s amazing when you’re not concerned with constantly looking for openings and switching lanes to try and gain, what a minute or maybe five at most... so not worth it. And I can sit back and laugh at the jack holes that have to zip from lane to lane as I pass them by while serenely cruising in my lane.

TysMagic > ttyymmnn
08/09/2018 at 09:57

that phrasing is very specific - I googled it and am going down the rabbit hole of being a slave to your emotions.

Where did you find that concept?

Ssfancyfresh > TysMagic
08/09/2018 at 09:58

I used to have severe road rage. Then I had an incident that caused me to reflect on my actions (luckily before any harm came to either party) . Now I take active measures to avoid stressful driving situations, drive defensively, and avoid reacting to the perceived misdeeds of other drivers.

It’s a choice. I had to take responsibility for my own actions. Soothing music, podcasts, and making occasional adjustments to my commute (routes, time of day) have helped.

See a lso: getting older and driving a slower vehicle.

Maxima Speed > TysMagic
08/09/2018 at 10:00

It used to bother me and I would get worked up about it. Now, I don’t get worked up about stuff. If I’m with someone else in the car I might say “D id you see that?”. For me its part of the challenge. Someone pulls out in front of me, is is driving towards me in my lane? Just another logic problem that needs solved very quickly. How fast they going, where they going, where can I go and not get hit, can I stop in time or should I dodge.

ttyymmnn > TysMagic
08/09/2018 at 10:02

Interestingly, I first came across the concept in college in the late 80s. My trumpet teacher was giving a master class about performance anxiety, and he talked about that as a way to handle stage fright. As for “slave to your reactions/emotions ,” I may have come to that phrase myself, or seen it somewhere over the years. I really don’t remember.

TysMagic > merged-5876237249235911857-hrw8uc
08/09/2018 at 10:02

Interesting point! I’ve told her many times that she rides people too close, but she seems to disagree. My point proven, she said the Mazda beeps at her a lot warning of a front impact possibility. Continuing on with the Mazda, it also has adaptive cruise (which I’d never experienced, that’s some incredible stuff) that I think could be helpful for what you’re saying.

Stripping it down, you’re enjoying the drive not necessarily focused on the definition. Also helps my point, a comfortable capable car makes a difference! haha

TysMagic > ttyymmnn
08/09/2018 at 10:03

I think some of what I’m finding might be helpful as a “third party” way to bring her around to your original point of your reaction is a choice.

I think we’ve talked before on something similar. I appreciate the help man!

ttyymmnn > TysMagic
08/09/2018 at 10:04

Any time! Good luck.

merged-5876237249235911857-hrw8uc > TysMagic
08/09/2018 at 10:08

I know for me, the changes happened before kids, but having them in the car definitely makes a difference.

Age and experience have been the bigger factors for me chilling out on the road. And realizing that it’s not worth getting worked up over it. The world is full of douchebags, and I assume all other drivers are d-bags and I just try not to be.

So Shiney. So Chrome! So Frunky > TysMagic
08/09/2018 at 10:11

Indeed. People on my commute behave like we have no police department at all. Hell a texting driver totaled my last car. I’d love to live closer to work but I work in a crap part of town.

kanadanmajava1 > TysMagic
08/09/2018 at 10:13

My opinion is that if you have problems suppressing your road rage you shouldn’t operate a motor vehicle. Youtube has a huge number of evidence that road rage can cause fatalities or hospital visits. And the victim isn’t always the one how did a n y stupid things in the traffic.

Yelling or pointing fingers doesn’t get anyone killed (directly) but it doesn’t keep you focused in the other upcoming traffic situations.

KnowsAboutCars > TysMagic
08/09/2018 at 10:15

I’m generally pretty calm person. I don’t road rage. If someone does something stupid how me getting angry at him will make the situation better? And most people don’t drive badly on purpose anyway, guess what we all make stupid mistakes sometimes.

Long-Voyager > TysMagic
08/09/2018 at 10:17

I’ve come the the realization that most drivers are morons.

It helps keep from getting to mad. If I feel I need to gesture about their stupidity, a simple sarcastic thumbs up makes me feel better, and leaves them boggled.

nj959 > TysMagic
08/09/2018 at 10:18

I’m not sure which is more cancerous to be honest.

So Shiney. So Chrome! So Frunky > merged-5876237249235911857-hrw8uc
08/09/2018 at 10:20

I’ve seen a couple accidents happen where the person is driving really aggressivly, weaving through traffic, in the snow, l oses it, and stuff just their car into a road barrier. Considering they are the only one involved, brought it on themselves, and are now snarling up traffic I just drive on by like “You deserve this” (To be fair though I’d probably still stop if they weren’t getting out of the car)

LOREM IPSUM > TysMagic
08/09/2018 at 10:20

Honestly, not a lot. I got over it rather quickly, but her audacity was stunning for someone a decade my senior. In that particular scenario, because I changed lanes and ended up along side her, once we hit the light she ended up multiple car lengths ahead and was thus out of my agro range. Had I remained behind her and my kid wasn’t in the car I probably would have been a bit more stupid, if I’m entirely honest. Being heavy stop and go traffic it probably would have had me a mm or two away from her bumper at every stop so all she saw was DRL and Infiniti grille in the rearview. Depending on how egregious the other driver was, possibly sharply accelerating in a low gear at every go, always ready and able to counter a malicious brake-check, though never close enough for contact to be a possibility. Just to remind them I’m there.

Generally speaking though, I don’t let it get that far. If they’re doing something stupid, they might get a blast of the horn and I might shout a thing or two, not necessarily out the window towards them per-se, but just a loud release of frustration and annoyance. If they hear it, good, if not, fine as well. Then I usually fall back a smidge and watch for what stupid thing they’re probably going to do next.

For the most part though, the older I get the more inclined I am to just shake my head and let it go. I already know nobody knows how to drive worth a damn, so I’m usually not too surprised when they prove it.

merged-5876237249235911857-hrw8uc > So Shiney. So Chrome! So Frunky
08/09/2018 at 10:24

Yeah, once snows involved, I’m hyper cautious. I don’t feel much sympathy for people who overdrive their cars and the conditions.

Urambo Tauro > TysMagic
08/09/2018 at 10:36

I try to minimize my involvement in the situation as much as I can. And if I can’t, then I try to be as passive as possible. Or at least, make my driving LOOK passive...

Sometimes I do things that are actually passive-aggressive, but I try to disguise it so that it looks natural. I have this fantasy that I keep rehearsing in my head that the next time I see someone passing cars on the shoulder, I’ll pull over in front of them and open my hood- as if my car is overheating or something. Maybe grab a container of oil or something from behind my seat to add to the illusion so they won’t think I’m lashing out at them.

Arrivederci > Urambo Tauro
08/09/2018 at 10:38

There is a turn lane that isn’t long enough leading to the road for my office, so people will just drive down the right shoulder to line up in that turn lane, sometimes nearly colliding with me when I enter it where you’re supposed to.

I’ve wanted to lay down railroad spikes on that shoulder for years.

merged-5876237249235911857-hrw8uc > TysMagic
08/09/2018 at 10:39

Honestly though. In traffic, I’ve driven some not so nice cars and had the same result. Trying not to brake or stop completely will leave you with big gaps, but it doesn’t matter, you just go with traffic. So much less stressful.

If you can get her to try to lay back a bit and see how she feels when she gets home. It’s a game at first. You need to watch the traffic flow and surrounding cars to keep tabs on whos ahead and behind. And try different lanes and see how it all shakes out.

I now have my picks down pat. I stay in the lane next to the left lane for my whole commute until I get to within a mile or two of my exit, then I get over. There are points when the lane moves slower than the others, but other times when it doesn’t. Definitely limits the stress in traffic. Highly recommend it.

So Shiney. So Chrome! So Frunky > merged-5876237249235911857-hrw8uc
08/09/2018 at 10:44

Everyone in Metro Detroit forgets how to drive in the snow every year. The ditches along the highway are just peppered with cars the first snow. Like a car every quarter mile in some cases. It’s nuts

Urambo Tauro > Arrivederci
08/09/2018 at 10:46

T empting! ... but I’d sure hate to be the gu y pulling over for an actual breakdown and getting flat tires for it.

Duck Duck Grey Duck FTMFW! > TysMagic
08/09/2018 at 10:50

It really depends on my day but if I am in a rush to get home, I shot at the smallest thing from the safety of my metal box. I want to hook but never do. It's not really a thing in my area. In fact if anyone does honk, everyone in the surrounding area looks. It's super uncommon here. It may become more common depending how much Rochester, MN grows from Mayo's Destination Medical Center plan. I usually take Broadway home because it's the straight route home for me but with the construction of new buildings it's really squeezing the road. We hates it.

Khalbali > TysMagic
08/09/2018 at 10:56

I struggle with road rage a lot, especially in my NC. Biggest recommendations I can make are music choice and leaving extra early so you’re not in a rush. For me I prefer kinda chillstep stuff for driving, blackmail and emancipator are my top choices. Its enough of a beat th at it’s not boring while keeping me calm. But the biggest thing is time management, I know it’s hard in the morning but g iving yourself some extra time makes it less of a race and then it's not as much of a setback if somebody cuts you off or whatever.

TysMagic > Khalbali
08/09/2018 at 10:58

She does great with the time. I’m the chillstep listener, she’s got the mainstream country station going most of the time.

My boss takes a counter approach and blasts heavy metal, using it to release frustrations - I’m not sure how well that works on the road, but I like how it flips the idea around a little.

merged-5876237249235911857-hrw8uc > So Shiney. So Chrome! So Frunky
08/09/2018 at 10:59

Every year, yup, that first snow is the worst.

When I walk the parking garage and parking lot into and after work I’m amazed at the conditions of people’s tires around here. That’s why I don’t worry so much about my car and my driving, but the other chuckleheads out there driving rolling pinballs down the road.

t0ast > TysMagic
08/09/2018 at 11:03

I don’t think witnessing people being stupid, selfish, or dangerous on the road will ever stop inducing some amount of anger or disappointment. That’s just the nature of seeing something you genuinely put effort into get shit on by peoples’ actions on a daily basis.

I’ll only go as far as a honk if I’m forced into some abnormal maneuver to avoid an imminent collision and just leave it at that. I’ll get the bird or some other angry gestures/words back in response more often than not (never mind them being at fault...), but I’m not going to escalate further. I don’t believe in Karma, but probability is most definitely a thing, so I take a small amount of solace in the fact that they’ll be a lot more likely to get theirs in one way or another later on if they keep driving like that ... just hopefully without dragging anyone down with them .

I know I can’t effectively punish or rebuke someone else from my car to theirs, so the best thing I can do is try to figure out what I can do to better avoid the situation next time. If I can drive defensively in the right ways, be in less of a hurry, and actively leave people plenty of room to make their mistakes, these sorts of problems become a whole lot less surprising, and in turn, less upsetting. If nothing else, forcing myself to find a different radio station or cue up a song to sing along to can help take my mind off it afterwards.

Dusty Ventures > TysMagic
08/09/2018 at 11:14

I just don’t road rage? Typically when someone does something dumb I just let out an exasperated “really, dude?” then let it go and move on because I don't see the point in letting my day be ruined by being inconvenienced for a few seconds

Arrivederci > Urambo Tauro
08/09/2018 at 11:28

And that’s the reason why I never did it, lol.

TysMagic > t0ast
08/09/2018 at 12:04

uniquely nice perspective on it

TysMagic > Dusty Ventures
08/09/2018 at 12:05

I concur completely

TheTurbochargedSquirrel > Dusty Ventures
08/09/2018 at 12:08

Dusty lives in MA and knows that if he actually gets angry he would be exhausted by the time he gets to work.

Tripper > TysMagic
08/09/2018 at 15:09

Honestly I chilled out with that stuff long before I found out I was going to be a dad. Since the baby, I’m more careful in general mainly because I need to stay alive and well so that I can provide for the family.

As far as my road manners are concerned, I just stopped caring over time. I don’t want any of my nice vehicles damaged, and I don’t want some nut job’s negativity effecting me. I’m sure the last person I saw acting like a maniac, probably told all of his friends and coworkers about it and thought about it for at least part of the day, maybe longer. I won’t bother myself with that stuff.

Dusty Ventures > TheTurbochargedSquirrel
08/09/2018 at 15:20

You’re not wrong

TheRealBicycleBuck > TysMagic
08/09/2018 at 15:53

For me, it’s all about expectations. If I expect the traffic/commute to be fast or I leave late and need it to be fast, I’ll slip into a rage when I’m being held up. If I allow plenty of time or just have no expectation about being there at a specific time, there’s no reason to rush, no reason to get angry, and no reason to be mad at someone who cut me off.

I also like to listen to podcasts or audio books. There are times I’m more frustrated that I’ve arrived because it means I have to wait for the next drive to get through the next part of the book.

TysMagic > TheRealBicycleBuck
08/09/2018 at 17:23

what if you know there will be traffic, but it’s much worse than you anticipated? Where does that fall in to it for you?

TysMagic > Ssfancyfresh
08/09/2018 at 17:31

The CX5 is quite a bit slower than the bug, maybe that will help be default.

TysMagic > kanadanmajava1
08/09/2018 at 17:34

I’ll stir the pot here; you’ve never once had an incident happen on the road (cut off, almost got hit, didn’t blinker, etc) that caused you to say something, clench the wheel a little harder, whip around the offending driver or otherwise react in a way that could be perceived as anger?

TysMagic > Long-Voyager
08/09/2018 at 17:35

She always flips people off under the dash, I’m going to tell her to give people a thumbs up above the dash going forward

kanadanmajava1 > TysMagic
08/10/2018 at 05:58

I have to admit that our roads are s t i l l quite civilized . But stupid things still do happen. I try to take even stupid things in relaxed manner. If someone does s o m e t h i n g idiotic I don’t want to ruin my day because of it.

I’ m c u r r e n t l y r e c o v e r i n g a f t e r a b i c y c l e v s c a r i n c i d e n t t h a t s e n t m e o n s i c k l e a v e f o r 3 w e e k s ...

TheRealBicycleBuck > TysMagic
08/10/2018 at 06:26

Traffic is traffic. Not a thing I can do about it. I’ve learned that when I can go fast, I do, when I can’t, I don’t. If I’m going to be late, that’s on me for not allowing enough time.

I just put on a good book or my favorite music and chill.

They say to never pray for patience. The only way to learn it is to experience situations that force you to be patient.

Gerry197 > TysMagic
09/05/2018 at 15:07

I like her trigger discipline.

People get stupid when they get behind the wheel for some reason. Some of the nicest best people I know can quickly become agitated when driving.

I think there is a good video here explaining the it, start at 1- min- 10 sec ...

(2) Goofy Motor Mania - YouTube

ttyymmnn > TysMagic
09/05/2018 at 15:08

This popped up on Oppo, and I was reminded of a thought for the day that my wife sent me recently.

“How others treat me is their path; how I react is mine.”

~Wayne Dyer

Nobody should be able to make you take their path.

Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo > TysMagic
09/05/2018 at 15:20

I’ll sometimes take a longer, less stupid-filled route to get home when I’m not up for other people’s bullshit. Takes longer, but frequently worth it.

Also yeah... if she is getting that worked up I think stress management would be helpful. Something to lower the ambient rage levels so driving doesn’t tweak her as much. I hear a lot of people like yoga? I dunno.